My 5th "Fatversary" (November 28th)

What is a Fatversary? Thank you for asking!

I consider the years since I lost weight a fatversary. In 2006, I lost 104 lbs in 9 1/2 months. I did this by counting calories and working out twice a day, every day. I have lost over 100 lbs before in my life (in my 20s) but gained it back within 2 years of losing it. Thankfully, this time was different. I continued on with my journey and ended up losing 123 lbs., getting to my low of 135 in 2010. Part of that weight loss was from the training and strict dieting I did for my first half marathon. After that race, I still continued to run, but put on weight almost immediately.

I have managed to end each year at the same 100 lb lost mark, but gaining back 20+ lbs out of 123 lost was discouraging and disappointing. I do feel that keeping the weight off is just as hard, if not harder, than losing it. I think the 100 lb loss is where my "set point" is, a point where I would not have to be so strict with my diet and exercise so strenuously. Yet at this weight, I cannot fit into my wardrobe and still need to lose more to be in a normal weight category.

On a positive note, I slowly but successfully ran my second half marathon this year (in horrible weather conditions) at a much heavier weight. It was pure hell doing it and I do not want to suffer in a race due to my weight ever again! Every run and
race this year was a battle due to my girth. If I want to get stronger, faster and more confident/comfortable as I runner, I need to be smaller. Yet, although being able to run 13+ miles at a time is great, and I know some people who do it consistently, I want to live my life on a more moderate level and just run 5 miles at a clip. I do know I have to workout EVERY DAY and be mindful of calories and portions and not get into emotional eating and binging, my biggest demons. Another HUGE issue is my chronic insomnia. When I average 4 hours or less of sleep at a time, it wears on me. I turn to sugar to stay awake. Melatonin and a visit to a sleep clinic helped somewhat, but it is still a challenge.

My goals from this point forward are to at least maintain the 100 I lost 5 years ago and re-lose the 23 lbs (give or take) that I gained. I have been trying to re-lose that weight for a few years now. I get embarrassed and ashamed at times coming in to work, knowing I am not at my lowest weight. My coworkers watched and supported me on my journey, so I feel as if I have let them, as well as myself, down. However, I am grateful and proud of my commitment to be healthy, work out consistently and keep trying. Weight has been a lifelong battle since age 5. People treat you differently (poorly) when you are heavier and it impacts your life in every way - relationships, career and more. People who have fought this battle and are sensitive to sugar, know exactly what I am talking about. And it certainly does not help that I like to bake.

Bottom line is - I will reflect on this 5 years and strive to lose the excess weight or at least maintain the 100 pound loss. Weight is only part of my journey - being healthy, happy and not alone are good goals too. May you all meet your personal goals (weight and otherwise). And if you have a Fatversary coming up, congrats on yours!!